On the day of my first date, I had picked out my outfit and had it laid out just like I liked it. I showered, and bathed in cologne. Then I blew my hair dry. Uncommon, but I was going for a look, I'm not quite sure what the look was, but it was a look.
After I finished getting ready, I realized I was right on time. Little did I know, women are rarely, if ever, on time. Thus, when I got to her house I was warmly greeted by her father and told that it would be just a few minutes before she was ready.
So, I sat in her living room and made small talk with her parents for a good half an hour. Then, just as I was thinking I was going to be old and grey before she got ready, she magically appeared. This is when I made my first fatal mistake.
She walked into the room and did a quick spin. She looked stunning. She was wearing a nice red shit and some tight jeans. She then asked if I thought the jeans made her butt look big. No man has ever gotten away when giving a truthful answer to this one, but I was young.
I truthfully answered that the jeans did in fact give her backside a large appearance. Then she began to cry. Never a good sign. I was really just looking out for her. I didn't want her to go out in public embarrass herself. But none of that matters.
How was I to know that being truthful could get you in so much trouble? How was I to know that telling a girl her backside looked big would land you back on the couch for another half hour while her supremely pissed of mother goes to calm her down and help her pick out another pair of pants?
Needless to say, lesson learned. To this day, my default answer to any question regarding a woman's weight is, "honey, look like you've lost 10 pounds." This, for those of you wondering, may sound insincere, but it is always appreciated.
For the record, the first date otherwise went off without a problem. We had a lovely dinner and she forgave me for saying her backside appeared large. In fact, she admired my truthfulness.
But, for the future generations out there, be careful because eventually you will make a girl cry and it won't be fun. Be truthful, but keep a clear head. When you are with your significant other, always pay attention or you might fall into one of numerous traps. There is a fine line out there, but a little white lie now and again never hurt anyone.
